


This love will never fade.

by ToxiiCWolves



Series: Is their bond strong enough? [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Confusion, Death, Denial, Dreams, Dwarf, Elf, F/M, Fear, Greenwood, Hatred, Hobbit, King - Freeform, Loss of Identity, Love, Memory Loss, Mirkwood, Near Death, Princess - Freeform, Protection, Queen - Freeform, Smaug - Freeform, Threats, War, Worry, dragon - Freeform, man, new identity, prince - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-05-23 09:28:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6112232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxiiCWolves/pseuds/ToxiiCWolves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*This is the sequel to "Why do you do this to me?" if you have not read that I advise that you do. It will help make things clearer.*<br/>"I don't remember, who am I?" asking him and myself.<br/>"That is no longer important. What matters now is who you will become."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The second one! Yay! Hope you guys enjoy.

I woke up on a make-shift bed alongside a cart. I only remember my name, Alyssa. I'm not sure how I got here or where this throbbing pain in my head came from. As I sit up, a sharp pain triggers in my lower back making me hiss in pain. As I look at my body I notice there are cuts and bruises everywhere, did I fall? As I ponder this, an old voice says,  
"Wow, you're awake. I didn't think you were going to make it, but I stand corrected." I look up to see the voice belonged to an old man with a long grey beard. He was wearing a long worn down tunic with a pointy hat. He was leaning against his staff. A wizard, perhaps? I tried speaking but my voice was very dry so I gestured for him to give me water. He was confused at first. Out of annoyance I yelled,  
"Water." my yell turned into a hoarse whisper. He quickly ran to his cart and pulled out a canteen. He calmly handed it to me, I open it and drank slowly. Even though I wanted to chug it down, if I did that my throat wouldn't feel better. After a few gulps I stopped and handed it back to him.  
"What's your name, elf?" the old man asked as he put the canteen back in the cart.  
"Alyssa. How did I get here?" I ask desperate to know something, anything.  
"I saved you, well, actually I found you. Nearly dead at the bottom of a cliff. I brought you here, hoping you might make it. I did have my doubts because, if you jumped from the top of that cliff, you had a little to no chance of survival." He said sitting down next to me. His knees popped, a worried expression crossed my face.  
"Don't worry about, it comes with age." He said running his knees. Then he looked up and studied me.  
"Who are you?" I asked him, but I didn't get a quick response. He just kept studying me, finally he let out a small quick sigh.  
"My name is Gandalf, Gandalf the grey. I'm a wizard." He paused looking concerned."Who are you, Alyssa?" He asked looking me directly in the eye. Its as if he can tell I don't remember.  
"I don't know." I say honestly. Looking off into the distance, Gandalf sighed.  
"I had a feeling you didn't. Your eyes told me everything, you're scared and confused. But I can't help you, your memory may or may not return on its own." He said bluntly. I put my hand to my mouth, trying to remember. No use.  
"What do you mean?" I asked losing hope.  
"Some memories return on their own, others need to be triggered. I can't help with that, sorry. So I'll ask again, who are you?" he asked looking cheerful.  
"I don't remember, who am I?" I was asking him as well as myself. His cheerfulness disappear into a serious gaze.  
"That is no longer important. What matters now is who you will become." He said placing a hand on my shoulder. I sighed. Gandalf got up and offered his hand, to help me up. I took it, he started mumbling to himself.  
"What's wrong, Gandalf?" I asked. He looked at me and smiled.  
"You will be my new traveling partner." He immediately goes through his cart and takes out a sword. He hands it to me.  
"Here, you will need this and we need to get you new clothes."  
"I never agreed to this." I say angrily. He raises a brow.  
"But you won't turn it down either." he laughed. He saw right through me, I was excited to be his traveling partner. I get to learn 'new' things and fight. Next thing I knew fifty years have passed. My sword skills have improved alot, as well as my way with words. Gandalf and I split up a month ago because he had to meet up with someone and this someone didn't like elves. I received a letter from Gandalf telling me to meet him at the shire. Well, I was here. Where is he? As I was about to leave, I heard a voice call out for me. I turned around to see Gandalf waving his hand. I walk up to him and said,  
"I've been waiting here for hours! Gandalf, what took you so long?"  
"I had to get a burglar."  
"What?" he explained to me that he made arrangements with a company of dwarfs to take back Erebor. They needed a burglar and Gandalf was to provide one. He chose a hobbit of the name Bilbo Baggins. He also told me, the company's leader, Thorin Oakenshield, doesn't like elves. He will do everything in his power to avoid them.  
"Why take me along then?! If he hates elves, he will hate me!" I snap at Gandalf.  
"If he befriends you before he realizes you are an elf, you will be fine."  
"And if he finds out before I'm his friend?"  
"He will be forced to keep you around." He said trying to light up his pipe. A couple hours pass and it was time to head to Bilbo's place. Gandalf told me to wear a black cloak so no one found out what I was before I befriended them. When we arrived there were already a bunch of dwarfs at the door, complaining about not being inside. They all started leaning on the door to get it to open. Then one of them had a brilliant idea, to ram their bodies at the door. Basicly, break it down.  
"1-2-3!!!" right as they said three the door opened. They all fell to the floor. As the fallen dwarves moan I peer inside to see who opened the door. It was the hobbit. He was looking coldly at Gandalf. The dwarves rise to their feet and raid the kitchen. I walk in with Gandalf, I was a little too tall for this house. Gandalf on the other hand shouldn't be in here. He's taller than me and he keeps bumping his head and ramming his face into the chandelier. Gandalf started counting the dwarves, then he noticed we were one short. A bald dwarf walks up to us,  
"He will be here, he's just late." then he looks at me and rudely says,  
"Who's he?" I was about to say 'excuse me!' but Gandalf immediately interfered.  
"He's a friend. He will be accompanying us on this journey." Gandalf gave me a warning glare. He will explain later.  
"Thorin won't like this." the bald dwarf warned.  
"Master Dwalin, if he likes it or not my friend is coming." Dwalin shrugged and walked away. I grab Gandalf by the wrist and take him to a room away from everyone else.  
"He???" I quietly question. Gandalf looks behind him, to make sure no one is listening. Then looks at me.  
"Sorry, Alyssa. If they knew you were a girl, they would quickly find out you're an elf. So from now on, you are a male ranger by the name of Daniel. You are also on a vow of silence."  
"You really thought this through, how I how did it take you?" I said giggling. He rolled his eyes.  
"Wanna make a bet?" Gandalf asked.  
"What is it?" I asked interested.  
"How they find out you're a female elf. I wager it's by accident."  
"You're so on. I bet I get fed up with them."  
"Deal." Gandalf agreed. We walk into the dining room to see Bilbo having a heart attack, figuratively speaking. Food was being thrown and drinks being spilled. I feel really bad for Bilbo. Especially when they started to sing a song about him while throwing their plates around the household. I walked into the kitchen to see all the plates nearly stacked on top of each other.  
"THAT'S WHAT BILBO BAGGINS HATES!" was the last line they sang. Which was followed by laughter. Then two loud knocks.  
"He's here." Gandalf said slowly.


	2. Chapter 2

I stayed in the dining room, as for everyone else. Well, they went to greet our tardy guest. I sat alone, playing with my knife. I flung it in the air, making it spin then I would catch it. I did this a couple times before everyone returned, when they did I had to move because Gandalf made me. I sat next to the hearth, Bilbo stayed in dining room arch way. I felt Thorin's eyes on me, piercing my back. I have a feeling that Gandalf is going to have a long converstaion with him. I didn't mean to ease drop but how can I not? They talk so loud. Apparently there is a dragon involed as well as a key, a door, and a map. Then they fight about Bilbo not being a good enough burglar, I'm sorry but I kind of agree. He probably hasn't even stolen something. But Gandalf defended his judgement.  
"Fine give him the contract." Thorin said giving in. A white haired dwarf by the name of Balin gave Bilbo a contract. Stating they are not responsible for his death or injuries and they will or will not pay for a funeral depending on this quest being successful. Then the two young boys, Fili and Kili, started talking about the dragon and how deadly he is.  
"Razor sharp claws, fire that can melt flesh." Kili warned.  
"I feel faint." Bilbo warned.  
"So much pain then poof you are ashes." Fili said.  
"Yep here I go." Bilbo fainted. I picked him up and placed him in a chair. Thorin looked at me questionably.  
"Who is he?" He said out loud so everyone can hear. He started to walk up to me, I stood my ground. When he got too close I pulled out my dagger and placed it below his chin. He instantly stopped walking, everyone gasped.  
"This is my friend Daniel. He is a ranger, he will be accompanying us on this journey." Gandalf said as Thorin backed up. I placed my dagger back in it's case.  
"Without my say so?" Thorin questioned.  
"If you like it or not he is coming with us." Gandalf said walking up to Bilbo. He shook him awake. Bilbo looks at Gandalf terrified, if Bilbo is this scared on the description then he shouldn't come. I follow them into a separate room so we can have a heart to heart conversation.  
"Gandalf I can't be a burglar." Bilbo confesses. I look coldly at the both of them.  
"You were meant for this Bilbo!" Gandalf announced. I heaved a huge sigh and let it out quickly. Gandalf gave me a stare that told me get out and I quickly did. I didn't want to see or hear his plea to Bilbo. I found the company talking among themselves. I leaned against a doorway, I'm not sure which one it was. Kili and Fili took interest in me. The both walked up to me.  
"What's it like to be a ranger?" Kili asked. I gave him no response.  
"Have you killed orcs?" Fili asked. Still I gave no response.  
They both gave me questionably looks. Gandalf save me!  
"The polite thing to do is answer the question." Dwalin said,"What's your problem anyway?" everyone stopped talking and looked at me. Look what I got myself into, Gandalf! As if hearing my silent plea Gandalf walked in confused at the silence.  
"What's going on?" he asked.  
"Daniel here won't answer our questions." Kili announced. Gandalf looked at me worriedly.  
"He is under a vow of silence, I'm sorry if he upset you." Gandalf said giving me a evil glare. I shrug my shoulders.  
"A vow of silence, huh? Why is he under one?" Thorin ask studying me,"Does he have a secret to hide?" yes.  
"No." Gandalf spat,"Leave him be. He will prove to be a useful tool. Especially when we near Mirkwood." Gandalf said putting a hand on my shoulder.  
"Lets not talk about elves." Thorin commanded. Everyone agreed. Mirkwood? Sounds familiar. I slowly fell asleep. In the morning, Bilbo's contract still hasn't been signed. I sighed and gather my belongings. I placed them on my horse, I giggled to myself because Gandalf and I were the only ones with horses. The rest had ponies. Once my horse was set, I had to wait. No one else was up. I guess I got ready too early. I always do.  
"Early again?" Gandalf said groggily. I nod my head, he chuckled. I suddenly heard movement which came from inside, the dwarves are up. Everyone got their horses ready but Thorin hesitated.  
"Is the hobbit going to come?" he asked.  
"I believe he will." Gandalf said optimistically. Gandalf looked at me worriedly, he has his doubts.  
"Don't bother Thorin, he won't come." said a 'tall' red haired dwarf by the name of Golin.  
"Lets make a bet then!" Kili suggested. Everyone agreed.  
"20 coins on he won't come?!" said a voice, I didn't see who it belonged to. So there are 13 dwarves, a wizard and a elf. So that makes 15 of us. 10 out of the 15 thinks he won't show.  
"20 on he will show?" It was Fili who asked, which means he must of asked last time too.  
"Aye!" Oin and Balin said giving him their coins.  
"Gandalf?" Fili asked.  
"He will come, here are my coins." Gandalf reluctantly gave him his coins. Fili's gaze settled on me.  
"Daniel?" he asked. I threw the coin sack at him. Yep, I agree he will come. Doesn't mean I think he should.


	3. Chapter 3

Thorin didn't participate in the bet, I don't know why. Maybe he thinks he's too mature for it. I kept giving him evil glares, but no one noticed. Thanks to the hood, I could give everyone here a nasty look and they would never know. A few hours pass and no sign of Bilbo, I guess I lost. I look over at Gandalf, he's fiddling with his staff. All of a sudden a small voice cries out,  
"WAIT! WAIT! I SIGNED IT! I signed it!" Bilbo was out of breath as he gives Balin the contract. Balin eyeballs him then the paper. He takes a moment before speaking.  
"Everything seems to be in order. Welcome to the company of Thorin Oakenshield, Master Baggins." I sigh happily, but then my gaze meets Thorin. He seems displeased, did he hope that Bilbo wouldn't come?  
"Give him a pony!" Thorin commands. Bilbo immediately tries to persuade them into not giving him a pony, he uses phrases like; I've done my fair share of walking, it isn't necessary, I perfectly capable of walking. But two dwarves ride up to him, one on each side, and lift him up then they place him on a pony. Bilbo was highly uncomfortable, I could tell. He was holding the pony's reins ackwardly and the way he was sitting was too stiff. It was a rather unpleasant sight. The pace we were going was too slow, Gandalf noticed my annoyance.  
"Daniel, how about you scout ahead?" Gandalf announced leaving me with the option to go faster, I gladly took it. I rush my horse ahead of everyone else's. Thorin was displeased once more, I don't think we will ever be friends. I was a good ten yards ahead, I was moving at my pace. I noticed a cliff, something inside me triggered. I knew then that I had a bad experience with them. But why? I knew I jumped from one but I didn't know the cause, I don't think I want to know. This spot could be a good place to settle down for the night. If I liked it or not, I rode back to the group. More specifically Gandalf, he looked at me confused. I whispered in his ear,  
"I found a good place to settle down for the night..." He did a little nod then went to Thorin's side and told him about my discoveries. Thorin gritted his teeth then he turned to me and said,  
"Show us the way." I lead the company to the cliff, My heart was pounding. Each thud made my ears ring. Bofur, a kind looking dwarf, noticed my anxiety. He came up to me and said,  
"I may not be able to see your face, but I can tell you don't like this place very much. I assume it's the cliff giving you trouble, don't worry. Here's a little secret, I don't like heights very much. Keep it between us ok?" He asked in a gentle voice. I wanted to thank him, but then they would know I'm a girl and soon an elf. So I just did a little nod indicating I agreed. I stood next to Gandalf the rest of the night, Gandalf decided to go to bed.  
"Sweet dreams." He announced. Everyone bid him goodnight. I decided to sleep as well but I didn't have 'sweet dreams.'  
I was in a throne room, there were tree roots popping out everywhere. They were used for pathways, which made the place very elegant. There was moonlight pouring in making the place look like a fairytale.There was a man dressed in grey tunic, which was a little tight around his chest, and he was wearing a crown made from autumn themed branches, he was a king. He was in his throne hunched foward. His body language showed he was in pain. His head rested in his hands. He kept saying why.  
"Why?" He asked himself this over and over. Each time he asked his voice broke. What happened to him? There was a puddle of tears below him. All of a sudden the scenery changed. I was now on a cliff, elves and orcs were fighting. I look straight ahead and the man I was looking at earlier was there. Next thing I knew I felt a dagger touch my neck. There was an orc behind me, it was saying something but I couldn't hear. The man from earlier seemed scared, scared for my life maybe? I elbowed the orc behind me, the one holding the dagger to my neck, it took a couple steps back and disappeared. I turn to the man in royal armor, but he wasn't a man. He was an elf, like me. He was handsome, he had long platinum blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. He was wearing a silver circlet. Looking at him made me swell with emotion, all I wanted to do is kiss him. Kiss him over and over again, kiss him until life ends. But there were so many questions; who is he? Why does he mean this much too me? Why is he in my dream? Have we met before? I look around, it was just us, the elves that were fighting the orcs earlier have vanished with the orc that held the dagger to my neck. The elf royal looked happy then he looked confused. Why the sudden face change? Then I felt my body turning. The elf tried to stop me but he was too late, I jumped. I felt the open air swirl around my whole body. I was falling, I heard the elf royal screaming no and wait. He just stared at my falling self with watery eyes. Then my body hit the ground, hard.  
I woke up with a fright. That was a nightmare, or was it a memory? I quickly looked around, Bilbo was struggling to sleep because of the heavy dwarfs snores. I think his name was Bombur. My heart my pounding, I couldn't breathe right. I think I'm hyperventilating, I tried to slow my breaths but I couldn't. My head had a pulse of it's own. As I freaked out, Kili and Fili started to freak out Bilbo. I paid no attention because it was all lies. Finally my breathing evened out and I started to pay attention. The only reason I'm starting to pay attention is because Thorin snapped at them. He told them they knew nothing of the world. I sadly agreed, but still it was quiet funny. I was still recovering from my dream/memory when Balin started telling a story. Of course it was about Thorin, I wonder what is like to be praised. But something deep down is telling me I know what it's like. Everyone started to stand up, to show there respects. I couldn't stand up I'm still a little dazed. So all I did was put my hand over my heart and bowed my head, big mistake. That's an elven way to show respect, he quickly walked up to me and pulled off my hood. Everyone gasps.  
"Damn it." I mutter. Thorin looks at me with firey eyes. Gandalf gets up and sees me without my hood on, he starts to laugh.  
"What's so funny about this?!" Thorin snaps. Gandalf raises a finger telling him to wait a second. After all his laughter is out he explains,  
"This is my traveling partner. Her name is Alyssa. And yes she is an elf, but she is not biased towards any race."  
"How is that?" Dwalin said looking betrayed.  
"She lost her memory fifty years ago." Gandalf explained. I rolled my eyes, I take my hair out of my cloak and pull it to one side.  
"How did you lose your memory?" Bilbo asked innocently I looked at him and said loudly,  
"I jumped off a cliff. If it wasn't for Gandalf I would be dead."  
"Why did you jump off a cliff?" Bofur asked rubbing his chin.  
"I don't remember excatly, it's still very fuzzy. Can we like not talk about this?" everyone nods their head except Thorin. He blurts out,  
"I don't want you on this journey."  
"Well too bad, I will be on it if you like it or not. I am your only shot at getting you through Mirkwood safely." I announced. The Mirkwood part just came out, I had no control over it. But I believe my own words, I have connections, I feel it.


	4. Chapter 4

Once I said that everyone was quiet, the stares I was getting were crushing me. It took all of my energy just to keep staring at Thorin. I can feel his hatred towards me. Gandalf finally broke in,  
"She is right, if you don't want King Thranduil locking you up for trespassing, then she needs to be on this journey." Everyone sighed at the mention of King Thranduil. Is he a bad person?  
"Who is King Thranduil?" Bilbo asked out of curiosity. Right on cue, everyone sighed.  
"He is an elven king." Gandalf explained.  
"He is heartless." Dwalin blurted.  
"Ruthless, selfish king who only cares for himself." Thorin completed. King Thranduil? Is he the elf royal in my dream? Before long, the sun started to show it's pretty face. Which means we were on the road, again. About five hours into the ride, it started to rain. The dwarves started complaining. One of them even asked Gandalf if he could stop it. Gandalf can't stop rain, no matter how much he wanted to.  
"It will continue to raining until the rain is done, there is nothing this old man can do about it." I said loudly. Gandalf looked offended when I said old man, but he knows it's true. The rain finally stopped pouring after a few more hours, which by this time we had to set up camp. Thorin found an abandoned farm house, he thought this place was perfect. I didn't think so but I kept my mouth shut, but Gandalf on the other hand didn't. He suggested we move on and make for the hidden valley. Thorin blew up,  
"I will not seek refuge with our enemy."  
"The elves are not our enemy, besides, they can help us read that map of yours." Gandalf announced. They started bickering about the eves and common sense, I grew bored of their conversation. I decided a walk would do me good, I got to the top of a hill and saw Gandalf storm off. I wonder where he is going? I should follow him, but he needs to let off steam. Bilbo seems to be worried though, maybe I should be too. As I sit on top of the hill, my mind wanders to my dream. Was that King Thranduil? If so, why is he in my dream? Do I have a special connection with him? This is too much to take in... I've never been this stressed out, or have I? I let out a loud groan. I felt my eyelids grow heavy, next thing I knew, I was asleep. I had a dream about a girl, she had brown hair and brown eyes. She was full of energy, always teasing me. I was chasing her, I don't know why but I was angry at her. Not hatred, but the type of angry when the person won't shut up. Annoyed I guess. Then I bump into someone, I land in their lap. I look up to see the elf royal, he's in my dream again. I look toward the brunette, she looked sad. Tears start to fill her eyes,  
"Why did you leave us, Lis?" she asked hugging me. The elf royal remained silent, but I noticed tears streaming down his cheeks. She hugged me tighter, I was like her life source. If she let go she would die, or I would disappear. All of a sudden, the brunette let go. I look at her, she was looking at the elf royal. Which was probably King Thranduil, I'm not too sure though. I looked at him, he carefully placed his hand on my head and pulled me close so he can kiss my forehead. He let the kiss linger on just a little longer. Then he lightly kissed my lips which then turned into a deep passionate kiss. He tried to pull me closer but I couldn't get any closer. Our kissed became wild, uncontrolled, I'm starting to lose my sense of reality. I placed both of my hands on the back of his head, I pulled his face closer, even though it couldn't get closer. My kisses became eager, his were still very passionate. He started to moan my name, which made me realize. This is a dream, wake up. WAKE UP. My eyes quickly open. Wow, who knew you could tell yourself to wake up. My heart was racing and my vision was a little blurry, so I blinked a couple times. Still remembering the kiss, I lightly touch my lips. The kiss was so vivid, so real. I couldn't help but smile. It was already dark, I probably should be heading back. I look down at the camp, I see Bilbo with two bowls. He was heading to the place were we kept the ponies. I took a deep breath and tried to get up. But my leg started to feel numb. Then I felt little needles piercing my muscle. Its asleep.  
"Damn." I mutter. I start to shake my leg, not much help. Then I started to rub it, it didn't help either.  
"Ouch, pain. Ow, pain." I complained. I look at the camp once more, I see them running into the forest. I most likely should with them, I'm already on thin ice. Despite my leg, I run after them.  
"Ow, pain. Ouch, pain. Damn leg. Ouch." I whimper. As as I proceeded into the forest I heard voices, I reluctantly, followed them. I found three mountain trolls, half the group in bags, and the other half on a stick. How did they manage to get into this mess? As I watched I couldn't help but notice Thorin, looking very pissed off. Serves him right, if we went to the hidden valley earlier today, we wouldn't be in this mess. All of a sudden, Bilbo jumps up and yells,  
"Wait! You got it wrong!" I look at him, interested in what he plans to do with this opportunity.  
"Wrong? What's wrong?!" said one of the trolls.  
"The seasoning you got it all wrong." Bilbo announces. He shouts and he...  
"How should we cool 'em then?" said the 'cook'  
"The secret to cooking dwarf is..." Bilbo starts.  
"Yes..."  
"Is..."  
"Yes... Come on now..."  
"Is..."  
"Speak!"  
"Skin them first!" Bilbo blurts. ...Misses. The dwarves freak out. Then one of the trolls grabs Bombur and is about to eat him whole when Bilbo yells,  
"No! Not him! He has parasites! In his tubes..." the troll throws Bombur in disgust,"They all, actually, parasites. Every single one of them." again the dwarves freak out. They call him a liar, a tratior, one of them even said that he had parasites. All I do is rub my head.  
"Idiots." I whisper. Then the bickering suddenly stops. Then they all agree they have parasites. The funniest comment I thought was,  
"I have parasites as big as my arms!" I wish I knew who said that. Before long, Gandalf shows up to save the day.  
"About time." I mutter.  
"The sun will take you!" Gandalf declares as he breaks the boulder in two. The trolls turn to stone, well, who saved the day Gandalf or Bilbo? I like to think they both did. I stroll out of my hiding place and I'm immediately greeted with angry faces.


	5. Chapter 5

"Where were you?" Dwalin yelled.  
"We could of used your help!" Kili yelled as well.  
"What do you have to say for yourself?" Balin asked. I was about to answer when,  
"Guys leave her alone, were are all alive and unharmed. Lets focus on that, instead of Alyssa's absence." Thorin recommended. Everyone gave him confused stares, I, for one, am shocked. Earlier he hated me, now he is defending me? I give Thorin a confused glance. He notices and smiles slightly. Why the sudden mood change? I smile back and walk off to find Gandalf. Thorin beat me to it, they were in deep conversation. Suddenly Thorin looks around, so does Gandalf. I follow them, they come across a cave. The rest of the company join us. As Gandalf and Thorin go into the cave, I hang back. The smell was over powering, I sit on a rock and wait for them to come out. Kili and Fili come up to me, probably to ask questions.  
"So, you're an elf. Can you fight like one?" Kili asks leaning against the rock.  
"I fight like everybody else. The only reason elves fight better then anyone else is because they had time to practice." I explain. Fili looks me up and down. I became offended.  
"I don't know what he sees in you." Fili mutter to himself.  
"Excuse me?" I ask interested in what he says.  
"Nothing. So you lost your memory? How does it feel? Do you get bits and pieces back?" Fili asks. I chuckle because he asked so many questions.  
"Yes I lost my memory. It feels awful, like a part of me is missing. Lately I've been having dreams, I feel like they're memories altered into dreams." I respond. Kili looks at me strangely.  
"What type of dreams?" he asks. My eyes widen.  
"I prefer to keep it to myself." I blushed because I thought of the kiss I had in my last dream. Kili laughed and shook his head.  
"Very well. But by that reaction I can tell it had romance." Kili raised a brow. I started to cough. I look to the cave's entrance. Thorin came out with a new sword, I walked up to him.  
"May I?" I ask Thorin. I gestured to his new sword. He gave it to me. As I inspected the sword Gandalf called for Bilbo. Thorin awkwardly watched me. I backed up and swung it around. I was testing it's durability. It sliced the air with ease. I stopped and handed it back to him.  
"Its a good sword, I just wanted to swing it around. Sorry if I caused you discomfort." I said sternly.  
"Not at all, um-" Thorin said nervously.  
"May it serve you well." I quickly because I saw him struggling to speak to me further. I then walked off to find Gandalf. I saw him smoking his pipe. Then the bushes made russling sounds. Everyone got into battle position, the a sleigh pulled by large rabbits came into view. I sighed with relif. Gandalf walked up to the rider, it was Radagast the brown. I walked over to the rock again, I'll have to talk to Gandalf later. I really need to talk to him about my dreams, sure he would know what to do? Thorin noticed my saddness. He walked over,  
"I apologize for being cruel the last few days. I just had a bad experience with them." He explains.  
"No, I understand, no need to apologize. I'm the one who should be apologizing, I was too quick to judge. I thought you would hate me because I'm an elf. But it seems I was wrong." I said looking at the ground.  
"No, I still hate you." He said bluntly. I quickly look at him.  
"I'm just kidding, elves need to learn to take a joke." Thorin rubbed his neck. I laugh, he must not know how to talk to elves.  
"Alyssa? What connections do you have with Mirkwood?" He asked.  
"I don't know, but I feel like I do." Before we could talk anymore, we hear howling. I look up, it was warg scout. We quickly kill it, and Gandalf loses it. He yelled at Thorin, he kept asking who he told about this journey. Thorin insisted he told no one. Gandalf explains we are being hunted. We take off running, Radagast was the distraction. As the wargs and orcs chase him, we make our escape. But we kept running into him. Finally we were caught, we ran to a large boulder. We were surrounded. I look for Gandalf, he was gone.  
"Where is Gandalf?!" I ask.  
"He has abandoned us!!!" Dwalin yells. As we prepare to fight, Gandalf comes out of a hole. We start to fight, I was engaged in a fight with an orc.  
"This way you fools!" He commands. I start to buy time for the others to get to the hole. As I fight, an arrow pierces my leg. I scream out in pain, but I keep fighting.  
"Alyssa!!!" Someone screams. As I kill the orc I was in battle with, my hand was grabbed. I look up to see Thorin pulling me down the hole. I quickly fall to the floor, I hiss in pain. I look at my leg, the arrow broke but some of it is still inside my leg. Then I heard a horn being blown. My heart starts to race, I know that sound. I try to stand but my legs buckle under my weight.  
"Alyssa..." Gandalf said coming to my side. He looks at my leg, I was bleeding. The arrow must of hit an artery, I pull out the rest of the arrow. Thorin rips a piece of his shirt off and tightly wraps my leg.  
"It needs to be bandaged." He explains as he wraps my leg. I don't know why but I blush. His cheeks are red too, maybe he's too hot? He helps me up, my legs are still wobbly.  
"Lean on me." Thorin commanded. As I did, everyone's faces were shocked. Has Thorin been this nice to an elf before? Maybe he's just being nice and helping a friend out. But I can't help but think it's something more, what am I talking about? I might have someone already, the man in my dreams... As we walk down the path, Thorin becomes irritated. Am I annoying him? We finally reach the end of the path, we ended up in Rivendell. Thorins grip tighten, he was not happy.  
"Thorin..." I whisper. His grip kept getting tighter, I squint my eyes in pain. I held my breath, his eyes were dark and filled with fury.  
"Thorin!" I whine quietly. His grip got even tighter, I was about to force myself out of his grasp when he suddenly loosened it.  
"Sorry." He whispered. He looked at Gandalf coldly.  
"Why are we here?" he asked him.  
"Multiple reasons Thorin. We need shelter, we need help with that map, and Alyssa might have connections. We need her memory to come back if we proceed to Mirkwood." Gandalf snapped. Thorin came clenched his jaw, then he sighed,  
"Alright." He wrapped his arm around my waist and lifts me up. He starts walking,  
"Thorin?!" I quickly said.  
"We will be going down hill, I don't want you to struggle to much. Doesn't your leg feel better if I carry you?" he asked smirking.  
"You could of at least asked." I pout.  
"But then you wouldn't have agreed to letting me carry you." He explained grinning. My eyes narrowed, I looked away. I heard the rest of the group whispering, I know this looks bad.  
"Don't mind them. They're not used to me being kind around elves." He whispered.  
"Why are you being kind to me?" I ask still looking away.  
"Isn't it obvious?" he asked looking at me.  
"What?..." My heart started to race, my cheeks started to burn. I breath hitched, I slowly look at him. He was about say something when we reached Rivendell's gate's. He sighed and slowly let me go. I held on his shoulder because my leg still hurt. Gandalf called out to one of the he-elves. The he-elf greeted him in elvish. Gandalf asked him where Lord Elrond was. That name is familiar, I feel like I know him. The he-elf said Lord Elrond wasn't here. Then we heard the elf horn. A bunch of horses surrounded us, one of them got off and walked over to Gandalf.  
"Lord Elrond! Its been too long." Gandalf said hugging Lord Elrond.  
"It has, what are you doing here? Especially in the company of dwarves." Lord Elrond said not looking at us.  
"We are just visiting. I was hoping we can take refuge."  
"You may." Lord Elrond looked our way and his eyes widen. He suddenly bows, the rest of the elves look at us closely, they freak out and bow as well. Whispers exploded. I look at Thorin.  
"Are they bowing to you?" I whisper to him. He looked just as shocked as I was.  
"I don't know..." Thorin responds. After a few more seconds the elves start to stand up. My heart started to race.  
"My queen, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were here." Lord Elrond says standing up. Did he just call me queen? My legs start to shake, I don't remember being queen. Of course I don't.  
"Excuse me, did you just call me queen?" I ask. I was hoping he was talking to someone else, but there wasn't any other girls in my eye's view.  
"I did, I assume King Thranduil is close by? I would love to speak with him." I suddenly feel faint, I lean all my weight on Thorin. So that was King Thranduil in my dream, am I married to him? Please tell me I'm his sister...  
"Why would he be close by?!" Dwalin snaps. Thorin wraps his arm around my waist, he was trying to keep himself from falling over. All my strength was leaving me, my suddenly became light head. Any more news and I might faint.  
"Because Alyssa and him are married." Lord Elrond explained. The company gasps, my legs give in and I faint. I wake up in a soft bed, there was a healing maid pouring water into a mug. I sit up.  
"You're awake. I will alert Lord Elrond." she said and walked out. I get out of my bed and look out the door. I see Lord Elrond making his way towards me with Gandalf. I then see little Thorin behind them. I feel bad, he's a dwarf. He can't help being short. I cross my arms and wait for them to get to me. Lord Elrond quickly warps his arms around me in a tight embrace.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize. You need to see Thranduil. Do you realize how crushed he might be? He probably thinks you're dead. And Alexis... Oh she must be crying her eyes out." He says not letting me go.  
"Alexis? Is she my sister?" I ask.  
"No she's your best friend." Lord Elrond clarifies. He finally released me. He looked at me with a sad face. I looked over at Thorin, he stayed quiet. Gandalf cleared his throat,  
"It turns out you knew Lord Elrond."  
"Yes you did." he laughs,"I remember when I first met you. Thranduil was very protective of you. You pushed his buttons constantly. I remember when you two first announced your love for each other. It was quiet a show." he smirked.  
"This is too much." I said rubbing my head. Gandalf cleared his throat again,  
"I was hoping you could help with Alyssa's memory lose." Lord Elrond shifted unease. He closed his eyes in a sad way.  
"I can't, the memories will come back on their own. Most likely in the form of dreams, which reminds me, have you been getting dreams that seem like memories?" Lord Elrond looked at me hopefully. I looked at Thorin, he sighed and walked away. Why did he come here if he was just going to leave?  
"Well, yes... But they're not really significant." I say walking back into my room. I sit on my bed, Lord Elrond and Gandalf follow me.  
"Tell me about them..." Gandalf said sitting next to me. I sigh, I look at Lord Elrond he seems to be in deep thought but I'm sure he is listening.  
"Well, the first one... Was about the day I jumped off the cliff. There was a man, no an elf, he was in royal battle armor. I believe that was King Thranduil... He was upset about something, I assume it's about me jumping but I don't know. The most recent one was about, um... His, no wrong word, our love for each other. I haven't had anymore, but Thranduil has been in both of them... If that's even him, which it probably is." as I talk Gandalf and Lord Elrond listen closely, they do little nods to show they're listening. When I finally stop, they exchange looks.  
"By the sound of this, it seems your memory will fully return after you see King Thranduil... But it's just a guess. You may even get it back in a life or death situation, I can only hope all ends well..." Lord Elrond looks at Gandalf. They ask me to attend dinner, I wasn't in a place to say no. As we walked into the dining room, I see Thorin smirking at his nephews, they were telling stupid stories by the sound of it. Thorin looks my direction and his happy face saddens, so does everyone else's when they see me. I follow Lord Elrond and I see a large drooping tree, it was in full bloom. It's petals were pink and fluffy, it called to me. I stop walking to stare at it, Gandalf saw me stop and he walked up to me,  
"What is it?" he asked. I couldn't talk, a lump was forming in my throat. I was afraid if I spoke, I would cry. I don't know why this tree was bringing me such sadness. The dwarves conversation came to a stop and they looked at me, they looked worried. Balin got up and walked towards me,  
"What's the matter, Alyssa?" he asked me. I didn't answer. instead I walked passed him. I was heading for the tree, everyone followed me.  
"It's beautiful." Kili said walking to my side. I still didn't talk, when I got in front of the tree I feel to my knees. Tears filled my eyes, this feeling I'm feeling, where is it coming from?  
"Do you remember?" ask Lord Elrond as he kneels beside me. I shook my head,  
"What happened here?" I asked. A tear falls followed by the rest that I tried to keep hidden, I felt the rest of the group behind me. Balin puts his hand on my shoulder.  
"It shouldn't be a sad memory, this is where you and King Thranduil got married... You two wed around this time 650 years ago." Lord Elrond stands up and extends his hand, I slowly take it. He helps me up, but I still stare at the tree. Why do I feel sad then? Does my body know I'm living without him?  
"I need sometime to myself, please leave me..." I say closing my eyes. I hear their foot steps fade, I walk over to a bench and hang my head. I burst out crying, I'm an emotional wreck. I was strong and dangerous at the start of this journey, now I'm weak and soft. Why did this happen? I thought about Thorin and how sad he became when he found out I was married, like I was suppose to know... My heart flutter though, does he like me? Do I like him? If I do like him, how am I suppose to tell Thranduil? Maybe, I can convince Thorin that the mountain isn't everything... No, he's a dwarf. Once their heart is set on something, they don't back down. I yawned, all this crying has made me tired... Maybe if I close my eyes for a bit... Once I closed my eyes I fell asleep. Still slightly awake I hear a deep sigh. Then I felt strong arms lift me up and carry me to a bed.


	6. Chapter 6

I wake up to the smell of freshly made tea, I open my eyes and see the morning sun pouring in. I quietly stretch and pop my neck. I look around the room and see a chambermaid pouring tea into a small cup. She walks over,  
"Here you go my queen, please drink up. All this stress must be killing you." I thank her and tell her she is dismissed. I exhale, my queen? How do I fit the profile? I don't like being called my queen, it's not me. I mean it was, but not anymore. I'm not her, I don't think I will ever be again. I need to get my life together, no more mopping around. I need to be Alyssa, again. The one I was on the start off this journey, if I don't then I will have lost both Alyssa's and I can't have that. I take a deep breath and stand up. My face was stern, I walked down the hall until I saw Gandalf sitting down smoking his pipe. I walk up to him and say,  
"I'm not her." He looks up at me confused. Then a smile forms,  
"Welcome back my friend, I was wondering if you would pursue your past life or be happy with the one you have." I laugh at him. We sit in silence, enjoying the fresh air. But I can't help feeling different. I feel like I recovered a piece of myself, I don't know what it is yet. I close my eyes and I heard Gandalf chuckle.  
"What is it?" I ask with my eyes closed.  
"I don't fall asleep, ok? I don't want Thorin carrying you again, even though, it seemed like he liked it..." Gandalf said. I quickly opened my eyes and looked at him. He was stroking his beard. I shook my head playfully, out of the corner of my eye, I see Thorin walking towards us. But he notices me and turns around, my jumped out of my chest and smashed to the ground. Why did he turn around? Does he not want to talk to me? Did he forget something? I suddenly became angry, I need to find out why he left. If he has a problem with me, he can speak to me directly. I quickly get up and follow him, I hear Gandalf mutter,  
"Good-bye to you too..." I stop and turn around he had his eyes closed while he took a couple puffs of his pipe.  
"I'm sorry... I just need to talk to someone." I say. I was about to walk off when Gandalf says,  
"Don't get yourself involved in something you will soon regret." I ponder this. Is he saying if I let my relationship with Thorin continue, I will regret it? I didn't even think about that, if Thorin has feeling for me... I will just crush him if I go back to Thranduil, either way, one man will get hurt... How did I get myself into this mess? I decide that I need to take a walk, as I walk around I spot Thorin pacing back and forth. He was with Dwalin, he was talking to him in a raised voice. No one was around, so it gave them privacy to talk about personally matters. I dashed for a near by room and eased-dropped,  
"Dwalin, I can't take this anymore!" Thorin mutters loudly.  
"Thorin, why don't you tell-" Dwalin was cut off by Thorin.  
"No! I can't... She's married, why would she leave him for me?"  
"You never know... Thorin she is an elf, I thought you hated elves?"  
"I do, I did, she's different. I feel like I can be myself with her, I'm comfortable messing up in front of her."  
"That's... Wow, your feelings for her are that bad?"  
"YES! The thing is, she doesn't return my feelings..."  
"Maybe she does... Maybe she doesn't..." Thorin lets out a loud groan.  
"The way she looks at me, I have to restrain myself. I'm afraid if she just looks my direction I'll lose it."  
"I can tell, Thorin... She will just hurt you, don't let your feelings develop anymore. She will end up with Thranduil, he is her HUSBAND!!! She loves him, even if she doesn't realize it yet. Please, don't get hope where there is none..."  
"I know, I just..." Thorin stops. He rests his head on a wall. Dwalin is right, I will just hurt him. I need to be mean, cold, and most of all unloving to him. I need to stop him from developing further feelings. What about me, though? No, I got myself into this mess, it's my consequence. I leave the area, I wander gloomily until I see a familiar face. Lord Elrond. He sees me and waves me over,  
"My queen, why do you look so sad?" he asks as I reach him.  
"Please don't call me that, until my full memory returns, I will remain Alyssa." I explain.  
"Very well, why are you sad, Alyssa?"  
"Reasons, reasons..."  
"Reasons, do tell..."  
"No." Lord Elrond just smiled and put a hand on my shoulder. I spotted Thorin several times through out the day but he never talked to me, he just walked away. I don't blame him, as the day came to an end, Gandalf was summoned to Lord Elrond.  
"Alyssa, I told the group to leave without me in the morning. I wish that you follow them, please." Gandalf asked me.  
"But-" I was cut off.  
"Just do it. Man, you are stubborn like a queen." he teased. After Gandalf left, I went to find the company. They were already packing up, Thorin saw me and tensed up. I walked over to Bilbo sense he was the only one that still treated me normally.  
"Alyssa? Aren't you going to stay?" Bilbo asked. Everyone stopped what they were doing and listened to my answer. The only one with his back to me was Thorin, figures.  
"And miss all the fun? I think not, I was on this journey since the beginning, I plan to finish it." I said proudly. I grabbed my bag and we walked out. I noticed myself walking different, I had more grace. I walked like I was royalty, I tried to stop but I kept walking like that. Balin walked up to me as we continued our way out of Rivendell,  
"My queen, are you sure you want to continue on this journey? You belong with your people..."  
"Balin, one; my people are in Mirkwood, which so happens to be on they way, and two; don't call me queen. I'm not a queen, at least not right now. Until my full memory returns, my status will remain the same as you first met me." Everyone looked at me, their faces stern. Then their faces started to light up,  
"Alyssa, you are full of surprises." Thorin mutters,"Let's move! Balin you know these woods better than I, you lead."  
"Aye." Balin agreed. With Balin leading us, we head to the mountains. It was going to be a two day journey, which means my plan has to start now. I was walking with Bilbo, he was tense.  
"Bilbo, are you ok? You seem tense." I ask him whole looking at Thorin.  
"Just nervous, I've never done this before." he told me. I ruffle his hair, right as I did, I felt a sharp pain in my heart. I'm not sure why my heart did that, all I know is my heart aches now. Thorin was walking with his nephews, they were talking about something. I stayed back with Bilbo, then I heard my name.  
"Alyssa?" I turn around. It was Dwalin.  
"Yes?" I ask stopping.  
"What are you going to do when we get to Mirkwood? Everyone knows you, how are you going to finish this journey?"  
"I will find a way." as if satisfied with my answer he walks ahead of me. After a few hours, Thorin decides to set up camp. I put my sleeping bag on the ground far away from everyone else's, Bilbo set up his close to the fire. Bofur started making dinner, which looked gross. It was sloppy and squishy. I quickly lost my appetite, which offended him.  
"Sorry, I'm just not hungry." I say slowly walking away.  
"You sure? It tastes amazing, don't let the look fool you." Bofur warns. I shook my head and quickly walked away. I found a tree and climbed it. I watched the group from this tree, I saw Bilbo playing with his food. He finds it gross, too. Then I saw Bombur chugging down his dish. I giggled, I looked Thorins direction. He was causally sitting down. His back against a tree. He was watching Fili and Kili wrestle. I sighed and looked away. I closed my eyes and relaxed. I made sure not to fall asleep, as I let my mind go blank. After a few minutes I heard some branches crack and break. I opened my eyes and saw a figure in stealth mode. He realized he was caught and leaned against a nearby tree. It was too dark to see his face, but I figured it was Thorin.  
"It is not nice to sneak up on ladies." I say climbing down.  
"I was coming over to check on you. I didn't mean to-" the voice tried to say but I quickly cut him off.  
"I'm fine. I'm returning to camp, stay out here all you want." I quickly walked away. I return to see everyone one laughing, I looked around, Thorin wasn't there. My guess was right, I felt bad snapping at him but I need him to stop liking me. I walk over to my sleeping bag and I sit on It. Thorin comes out of the woods and doesn't even look my way. About this time everyone started to say goodnight. I was the third or forth one to say it. I laid my head on my arm and passed out. My dream was the worst one yet, I was in Mirkwood. I'm in the great hall waiting for something, a lot of people were around waiting as well. The air was tense, my heart was beating furiously. I looked at the main doors and waited. All of a sudden the doors burst open. An elf was being carefully dragged in, the elf was wounded. His body was limp, blood stained his armor. Blood fell to the ground making a path that followed him. I saw several stab wounds, his face had cuts and a busted lip. My feet started moving toward the wounded elf. I cried,  
"THRANDUIL!!!" healing maids stopped me from going to him. His face was pale, he couldn't even stand. He hissed in pain. I struggled against the maids, they kept telling me that I can't see him right now. He asked them to not let me see him, not caring I freed myself. My body started to tremble as I reached him.  
"Thranduil!!!" I cried once more. Tears streaming down my face, I held his head in my hands.  
"Alyssa... Please, I don't want you to see me like this." he groaned. I kissed his forehead,  
"It's too late, plus, if you can see me wounded then it's only fair I see you wounded." a small smile formed on his lips, then his eyes closed. I started bawling, the maids pull me away and he was taken to the healing room. I couldn't go in, the maids wouldn't let me. I paced back and forth, my heart was being crushed. Every second that passed, a piece of my heart disappeared. I fell to my knees clutching my heart, I then hugged my legs. I rest my head on knees, the doors open and maids calmly come out,  
"He wants to see you." they say. I run into the room and see Thranduil laying on the bed lifeless. I get to his side and fall to my knees again. I hold his hand,  
"I didn't realize how much you cared." He said weakly. He smiled softly.  
"Thranduil... I love you, please get better." I cried. I whispered his name over and over again. I open my eyes, my cheeks were wet. I was crying, it makes sense. I was crying in my dream. I sit up and see everyone asleep except Thorin. I wipe my tears away, he looked up and our eyes locked.  
"What did you dream about?" he asked. My heart raced, why would he ask me that?.  
"What-"  
"You were crying and I tried to wake you but you just punched me..." that's when I noticed his swollen cheek,"Then you muttered something but I couldn't hear." My cheeks turn red. I carefully chose my words,  
"It was a memory, and one I did not enjoy."  
"What was it about?"  
"I-I- don't want to talk about it."  
"You should, it helps. Take it from me... It does."  
"No. I can't-"  
"Tell me." Thorin's face turned serious as well as his voice. I was shocked, why did he want to know? It will only hurt him and make him jealous... My heart ached at that thought, I can't lead him on... I will never be able to forgive myself. If I tell him, he will think I still love Thranduil, which is a possibility, but I don't know. How can I love a man I don't remember? I don't see how it's fair, I'm suppose to love him, but I don't... I don't love Thranduil. I don't remember him, I don't remember loving him, all I have are memories. Memories that have little to no effect on my choices, I need to live in the now... But I can't hurt Thorin, I care for him... I'm not sure if it's love but I care deeply for him, which means I have to spare him the pain that I will surely bring him.  
"It was about Thranduil, he returned home from war and he was badly wounded." I spat. Thorin's face remained neutral, he showed no sigh of emotion, as we stared at each the sky slowly started to turn black to orange. I sighed and got out of my sleeping bag, I walked over to the fire pit and put out the remaining fire. Thorin remained silent, which annoyed me but I understand. This is how it is suppose to be, if I like it or not. This is for him, not me. We sat in silence until the sun was above the trees, by this time everyone started waking up. We packed up and we were off, my mood didn't change though. I was snappy as ever, I snapped at Bilbo several times and snapped at Kili once. Everyone was afraid of me, they didn't want to be yelled at. My head started to hurt and I suddenly felt dizzy. No one seemed to notice or care. As we walked, I watched the ground. After a long while, I looked up and no one was around. Either they were playing a mean trick on me or I wandered off.  
"Damn." I whisper. I growl at my stupidity, I climb a tree to get a better look at my surroundings which wasn't helpful. I couldn't see my friends, which was worrying. My heart started to ache, what if I can't find them? I shouldn't worry, wait until nightfall and find a campfire. Problem solved, I decide to look around. The scenery was beautiful, the trees stood tall and the flowers were in full bloom. I found a patch of red roses, their smell was enticing. As I knelt beside them I heard a voice say,  
"Should of added a bench a long time ago. This place is really peaceful." I turn around and see the man, elf, from my dreams sitting on a bench with me besides him. They were in a garden. I had my eyes closed, I looked really peaceful and passive.  
"Yes it is." my past self responds. Thranduil looks at me, he studies me. He was really handsome, I have to admit. His eyes narrowed in on my lips but then my past self looks his way and he loses it. He blushed franticly and said,  
"This was nice... Um... See you- a- around..." He quickly got up and left. The memory slowly disappeared, I just stood there shocked and I heard,  
"Oh, my little rose... why must you resist me, hmm?" I turn around again and see Thranduil pushing me up against a wall, they were in someone's chambers. I assume his. My past self looked away from him,  
"I have wanted you from the moment I saw you... And I have wanted you everyday since. Mark my words when I say... I will have you." The memory disappears again, I was again shocked and left speechless, I quickly stand up. Why am I suddenly getting all these memories?  
"Yes. I do love someone." I heard my voice, I turn around. They were in the same chambers again. I was cupping the side of Thranduil's face, he seemed really hurt. His eyes were puffy and red. They were also filled with grief and sorrow.  
"Can you guess who?" my passed self asked him. He suddenly kissed my past self, the memory turned into a different one. I was in a large dining room. Thranduil was worried, he was stroking my cheek. I push him away and say,  
"King Thranduil... I-I don't love you." Thranduil's face was filled with confusion.  
"I don't understand..." he says worriedly. The memory changed again, I was in a house that looked more like a shack. I was sitting on a worn out bed and Thranduil was sitting next to me.  
"Alyssa... I know now what you said to was a lie. I also know Sydney made you do it. Don't worry... Sydney is where she belongs." My past self's face grows sad with guilt.  
"I'm sorry... I should of told you. But I feared for your safety. And if there was anyway I could protect you I would do it. Even if it meant breaking our hearts." He lightly stroked my cheek.  
"You can always trust me... Don't ever be afraid to tell me something ok? Even if it means death... Tell me." I nod my head. I see his arm snake around my waist pulling me closer to him. Then with his free hand, cupped the side of my face making me look at him.  
"Tell me how you truly feel..." He looked at me with wonder and fear.  
"King Thranduil... I love you." A smile grew on his face.  
"And I love you Alyssa. You drive me crazy..." A smile formed on my lips. Then I was in Rivendell, I was under that drooping tree. I was in a beautiful white dress and Thranduil was in a tuxedo. Our lips meet in a passionate kiss, everyone clapped and cheered. The memory slowly ended, I fall to my knees. My heart started to fill with affection for him, but it was torn in two... One half for Thranduil and the other for Thorin... Why is this happening? Is it because of those roses?! It has to be... Our love life evolved around roses. I exhale slowly, tears fill my eyes... For once I know why I was crying, I love Thranduil... and Thorin, I can't choose... Is it best I don't? I won't be able to forgive myself with either option... I slowly rise to my feet, I need to find my friends first, love second. I leave the roses behind me, I'm not that Alyssa... I can't let her memories persuade me to change my life. As the sun started to set, like I guessed, I saw a campfire light. I followed it, and sure enough, there they were. They were panicking.  
"We lost her! How can we lose someone that tall?!" yelled Fili.  
"We will find her, don't worry..." calm Balin said.  
"Don't worry?! Don't WORRY?! We lost a queen!!! We need to find her..." Dwalin yells.  
"She will find us." Thorin spoke up. Everyone looked at him. They were all quiet, I decided to take the spot light off him. I walked into view.  
"You guys were so loud that the whole forest can't even sleep." I said loudly so everyone can hear. They quickly turn their heads and run towards me.  
"Where the hell were you?!" Kili yells.  
"One second you were there, the next you weren't..." Bofur explains.  
"I needed some time to myself..." I explain. They started to treat me like a kid, keeping a eye on me making sure I don't get into trouble... It was cute at first, then it became annoying. Alyssa stay in eye's view, blah blah blah. When no one was looking I snuck out. I fled for the trees, which was really the only place I could go. I thought I was alone but I heard someone laugh behind me.  
"Getting tired of being treated like a kid?"  
"Yes. I'm not 100 anymore, mom." I snapped playfully.  
"How old are you anyway?" Thorin asked.  
"1649." I just said it without thinking. I didn't even know my age earlier today but know all of a sudden I do?  
"Damn. Ok... I guess you aren't a kid. Maybe I should call you grandma?"  
"If you do I swear I'll-" I walked right up to him our noses almost touching. Can feel his breath on my lips, my heart was jumping up and down. I can only imagine the way he is feeling right now. His arm curled around waist pulling me closer to him, my chest tightened. I just stood there showing no affection, don't lead him on, don't lead him on... He put his hand on my neck and leaned in and kissed me. He kissed me gently like he was scared I might run away if it got rough. I kissed him back eagerly, I couldn't control myself. He deepened the kiss as did I. He tightened his grip around my waist, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders causing him to push me up against a tree. His tongue slid in and out of my mouth, his hand slid under my shirt and I lost it. I was leading him on, I need to stop so I pushed him away and walked off. I quickly returned to camp, everyone was having dinner. I sat next to Bilbo, my face was red and I was short of breath. Bilbo looked at me,  
"You ok? You're flushed." he asked putting the back of his hand on my cheeks. I wave his hand away.  
"Yes. Is the food good?" I asked changing the subject. His face shriveled up and shook his head slowly.  
"It's um- well..."  
"Ok, not eating it. Thanks for the warning." Bilbo looked at his bowl of mush and sighed. He is being forced to eat it. I suddenly look up and see Thorin coming out of the forest, he looked bummed out. My heart shattered, but I went too far. I shouldn't have kissed him back, I'm trying to spare him not hurt him. He didn't look my direction, which I'm glad he didn't. I quickly went to bed after that, I am not excited for tomorrow. In the morning, everyone was extra tired. They stood up and told stories, Balin and I were the smart ones and went to bed on time. We packed everything up once more and we were off. I made sure to keep my distance from Thorin, but I felt his eyes on me the entire time. We finally reached the mountains, the sky was dark and we were on a narrow path and I was having a heart attack. I took big breaths and stayed as close as I can to the wall. Bilbo grabbed my hand and lead me onward,  
"What?" I asked.  
"If you slip, I can pull you back up. I'm trying to be helpful." he said nicely. I smiled and followed him. We suddenly hear, what seems to be thunder but it was actually a battle. Stone giants were in a furious battle and we were in the middle of it. Boulders were being flung, one hit 20 feet above us. Suddenly the ground started moving, then the portion Bilbo, I, and several others were on, separated from the rest. We were on a knee of a stone giant, our stone giant started to fight another. The rest of the group was safely on the other side. Fili, who was safe, called out for Kili, who was with us. Thorin had sheer panic in his eyes. Our giant punched a different giant, but it came back and defeated our stone giant. He crashed into the mountain side, almost crushing us. We all jump off before the giant fell, I was still holding Bilbo's hand. I felt him slip and fall. He took me with him, Bilbo was hanging on the cliff and I was hanging on to him. If I let go of his hand, I would fall. I was panicking again, I don't want to fall again. My heart was beating furiously, my body started trembling, I swung my legs in the open air. My hand started getting sweaty, my grip was loosening.  
"Bilbo?! Alyssa?! Where are they?!" Fili yelled.  
"Here!!!" Bilbo screamed. I see several heads pop out, they all started to extend their hands. My hand slipped out of Bilbo's and I fell but I grabbed a tree root before it was too late. Thorin climbed down and pulled Bilbo up and over, then he climbed down to me and lifted me up and carried me to safety. When we were safe, I quickly got out of his grasp. I quickly backed up against the mountain's wall and stayed away from the cliff. I closed my eyes and calmed my breathing.  
"I thought we almost lost our burglar and our ticket through Mirkwood." Dwalin said putting a hand on Bilbo's shoulder. I sighed and sat down.  
"Let's us fine shelter, Dwalin come with me." Thorin commanded.  
"Aye."  
After a little while, Dwalin returned saying they found somewhere to sleep. It was a cave, it worried me some but after what just happened, I really don't care where we sleep. I found a decent spot and went to sleep, my head was still spinning from the cliff insident. I heard russtling then hushed voices, I believe it was Bofur and Bilbo. Then Thorin yells,  
"Wake up! Wake up!" next thing we knew, we were sliding down and fell in front of hundreds of goblins. They started grabbing us and yanking at our weapons. We tried to fight back but we were quickly outnumbered. We surrendered, we were taken to the 'thorne room' where the great goblin was. He was large and he had warts everywhere, he had flaps of skin that looked infected. He had thin greasy hair, and he smelled of rotten fish and urine. He reeked of body odor. He started singing,  
"Down in goblin town!!!" I looked at Thorin. His face was stern. Finally the great goblin stopped singing and looked at us,  
"The song was one of my creations."  
"That wasn't a song! It was an abomination!" Balin yelled.  
"Abominations, monsters, mutations that's all you're going to find down here. What business do dwarves and one elf have with us?" the great goblin asked. The great goblin looked at one of his scholars.  
"We found them on the front porch, my Lord." said the scholar. He looked us up and down.  
"What are you? Theives, assassins, spies?!" He started to panic. He took a couple steps back and squished one of his goblins. The goblin squeaked which echoed throughout the place.  
"We are just passing through." Bofur said. The great goblin put his large hand on his head.  
"You see-" Kili tried but the great goblin cut him off.  
"Enough of these lies!!! If they won't talk then we will make them squawk! Bring up the mangler, bring out the bone breaker! Start with the youngest!"  
"Wait!" Thorin stepped forth. The great goblins eyes widened. There were a couple cries, but soon silence fell.  
"Well, well, well... Look who it is! Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror... King under the mountain... My deepest apologises." the great goblin bows awkwardly.  
"Oh! But I'm forgetting you don't have a mountain, and you're not a king. Which makes you nobody, really. I know someone who pay greatly for your head, nothing attached. I think you know of whom I speak... A pale orc?" the great goblin says.  
"Azog the Defiler is long gone! He was slain in battle..." Thorin announces.  
"So you think his defiling days are over? Send word to the white orc that I have his prize..." the scribe runs off. All of a sudden my mood changes, like my mind was swapped with someone else's. I step forward and I yell,  
"Enough!" the great goblin's eyes widen in shock then fill with fear.  
"I-I- know you..." he starts to stutter as he steps back.  
"Then you know what I am capable of..." I retort. The goblins scream in fear, the great goblins starts to tremble.  
"Please no..."  
"If Thranduil knew of this place..."  
"NO! Please no!!!" all of a sudden there was an explosion and Gandalf appears. My head clears, my mood went back to normal... I don't know how and why that happened, but I'm happy it's over.  
"Your weapons! Grab them, fight!" Gandalf ordered. I grabbed my sword and went to battle. We started to run away, the pathways were bridges. As we fled, more and more goblins came and tried to stop us. We killed every goblin that got in our way, we kept running until we saw the exit. Before we reached the exit, however, the great goblin jumped in front of us.  
"You think it's that easy to leave my kingdom, do you wizard? What are you going to do?" he asked Gandalf. Gandalf uses his staff to poke him in the eye and slices his stomach open. I just watched in shock, Gandalf gave him no remark.  
"That'll do it." the great goblin says as he plummets to ground, but as he does he breaks the bridge and we fall as well. The remainder of the bridge slides against the caverns wall's and we land safely in the ground.  
"That could of been worse..." Bofur says just before the dead body of the great goblin lands on us.  
"You've got to be joking!" Dwalin complains. Everyone groans as we try to get out from underneath the bridge, Gandalf helps me first. I, in return, help the others. Kili looks up and says frightened,  
"Gandalf..." Gandalf looks up, there were thousands of goblins climbing down the wall to get to us. Gandalf quickly said,  
"We have to get outside, its the only way." we follow him out of the cavern. We kept running even after we got outside, after we were sure they wouldn't follow us, we stopped. Gandalf started counting,  
"five, six, seven, eight. Bifur, Bofur, that's ten. Fili, Kili, that's twelve. And Bombur, that makes thirteen. Oh, Alyssa, that's fourteen but where is? Bilbo? Where is our hobbit?" Gandalf asked as he grew more frustrated. They start to bicker about who Bilbo was with and where he was. I looked around, I felt his presence. I just couldn't see him, I grew puzzled.  
"Bilbo? You there?" I asked walking away from the group. I hear slight rustle from behind a tree, I walk over and Bilbo jumps in front of me. He grabs my hand and pulls me back to the group.  
"I'm right here. Safe and sound. No need to worry..." Bilbo says letting go of my hand. Gandalf looks at him suspiciously, but a smile grew on his face. Everyone was happy to see him alive, they started laughing at him. Then we hear howling,  
"Out of the frying pan." Thorin starts.  
"And into the fire. Run. Run!" Gandalf finishes. I start running as fast as my long legs can take me. Before I knew it, I was way ahead of everyone else. But my running stopped to a halt when the ground turned into a cliff, why so many cliffs?! Wargs start attacking when I climbed to the top of a tree. Everyone else did as I did. When everyone was in a tree, a pale orc shows up.  
"Azog!" Thorin yells. Azog takes in his surroundings. He says something in orcish, then he points at Thorin. Then to me, my eyes widen. Why is he pointing at me?! I climb higher, as if I would be safe. The wargs start to attack the trees, which topple over and we all jump to the last tree. Which so happens to be on the very edge of the cliff. Gandalf starts to make pine cone bombs, which set the ground on fire. The sudden fire made the wargs back off. We start to cheer, but the tree falls under our weight and hangs over the cliff. I'm reliving my fear again. We cling to the tree's branches for dear life, and Dori is about to fall off. When he does, Gandalf catches him with his staff. Seeing this, Thorin decides to take on Azog alone. I try to pull myself up, but it was no use. My branch breaks, I yelp and I land on a different branch. Which is about to break too. I look up at Thorin again and he is laying on the floor, what happened? Was he easily defeated? A orc walked up to his resting body, the orc was going to cut off his head but Bilbo came rushing in. Bilbo managed to kill the orc, which gave the rest of the dwarves hope and they too, came rushing in to Thorin's aid. Suddenly, I see Dori fall and is saved by large Eagles. The eagles start throwing wargs around as well as orcs, then they start snatching us. One by one, they save us. I let go of my branch and land safely on the back of an eagle, I look over at one of the other eagles and see Thorin, lifeless. My eyes close and they stay that way until the eagles came to their destination. They drop us off on top of a cliff, go figure. When I get off, I quickly leave. I had enough heights today, as I wait on the ground I grew impatient. What is taking them so long? I don't want to climb back up, but I might have to. As I battle myself, I heard someone sigh. I turn around, it was Gandalf.  
"You abandoned us..." He said putting a hand on my shoulder. I smile.  
"Yeah, I had way too much heights today." I laugh at myself. Gandalf's gaze lightened.  
"He asked for you, when you weren't there he seemed disappointed." Gandalf said walking away.  
"He?"  
"Thorin." My heart skipped a beat, Thorin asked for me. I suddenly felt guilty for leaving. I growled at myself and caught up with Gandalf, we was with the rest of the company. I saw Thorin talking to Bilbo, I walked passed him and ended up beside Gandalf. I looked at him and said,  
"Old man, you walk too fast."  
"No, you are the old one... You're just too slow." He retorted. I laughed, he always gets serious when I call him old. But it's true, he is old. I am old too, probably older than him. We started walking again, our journey is not yet over. We must continue, after a couple more hours we stop and set up camp. I wandered off, I found a large root sticking out of the ground forming a bench. I sat on it and closed my eye's. I heard someone walk up next to me.  
"You are avoiding me, aren't you?" Thorin said sharply. I quickly open my eyes and see Thorin peering into my face.  
"No, I just don't feel like chatting." I say looking away. He puts his hands on my shoulders and forces me to look at him.  
"Alyssa, I care deeply for you. I want you to know that, but it pains me thinking you don't feel the same. If you do care for me as well, then show me... I would rather you love me, then leave me than you never loving me in the first place. Of course if you don't love me, tell me because my heart is being beaten and battered by you... One day you show me you care then the next you don't even bother to look my way. So tell me now and put my mind at ease, do you feel the same?"


	7. Chapter 7

We stared at each other, which felt like an entirety. I didn't like it very much. As the minutes passed, Thorin's gaze saddened. He removed his hands and placed them at his sides.  
"I thought so..." He said gloomliy. He took a couple steps back and continued,  
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I hope you can forgive me." Thorin thinks I don't have the same feelings, which might be slightly true but there is something there. I can feel it. Thorin turns around, his back facing me.  
"Thorin..." I stood up and took a step forward. My heart ached knowing I'm causing him great pain, I will do it again but right now all I feel is sorrow. Sorrow in which he misinterpreted my actions, my feelings. Ignoring me, he went on,  
"I'm a fool, I should of known-"  
"Thorin!" I grab him roughly by the shoulders and forcibly turn him around to face me. He looks straight into my eyes,  
"What?" his yell turned into a angry whisper. I looked at him, I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. All my words were caught in my throat. There was a long apprehensive silence, Thorin took an uneasy breath and looked away while saying,  
"What..." this time his whisper was full of pain and regret, a sad unforgivable feeling washed over me. I pulled him close and kissed him,  
"Don't apologize, I'm the one who should be." I said showering him in kisses. We kissed furiously, as we kissed however, I couldn't shake the feeling of regret. The feeling became overwhelming, so I stopped kissing him and rested my head on his shoulder. He lightly caressed my head, I sighed and said,  
"We should be getting back to the others..." I heard him sigh, then he says quietly,  
"I think you're right." he takes my hand in his and we walk back to the group. The group was deep conversation, I let go of Thorin's hand and walked up to Gandalf. Gandalf, as usual, was smoking his pipe.  
"That will kill you one day..." I told him. He shook his head, I rolled my eyes.  
"Says only you my dear." Gandalf whispered. As the weeks passed, Thorin and I became closer... The feeling of regret isn't nearly as strong any more, but a part of me still loves Thranduil, but now I'm madly in love with this dwarf. Whenever we get the chance, we run off and just kiss as well as talk. Sometimes we took off when the guys weren't looking, it was mostly my idea. Thorin started calling me a rebel, I started calling him a goody-two-shoes. The company didn't like our relationship at first but as time passed they saw the difference I made in Thorin. He is more cheerful and happy, most of all he smiles. We were close to Mirkwood now and we were being hunted by Azog. Last week, the guys thought it would be funny if they scared me while I was sleeping. When they woke me up, however, I took off running because I thought we were under attack. While I was running, I ran into Azog. I quickly turned around and went back to the guys. They were laughing, when they saw me running back they didn't think much of it until they heard the howls. We've been fleeing ever since. Azog was close by so we hid behind a large rock, the sun was barely rising by this time. We sent Bilbo to the top of the rock so he can see how far away they were, when he returned he was trembling. I was the only one that noticed.  
"So? How close are they?" asked Dwalin. Bilbo quickly said,  
"Not too close but there is something else..."  
"Did they see you? So help me if they saw you..." Gandalf started. Bilbo shook his head,  
"No, no, no... They didn't see me, but-" Bilbo started. Gandalf cut him off by saying,  
"See? What did I tell you? Quiet as a mouse." Everyone agreed and started a joyful conversation. Bilbo was getting frustrated and annoyed, Bilbo wasn't one to interrupt conversations but I can tell he was going to blow. I quickly interfered,  
"GUY!!! Yes, hello... Bilbo has more to say." Everyone looks at Bilbo awkwardly.  
"Yes, thank you, Alyssa. There is something else out there..." Bilbo says wearily.  
"What form did it take? Like a bear?" asked Gandalf. Bilbo looked shocked.  
"Yes, but bigger. Much bigger." Everyone looks at Gandalf.  
"You knew of this creature?" Bofur asks, Gandalf doesn't reply,"I say we double back."  
"No. We will be run down by the orc pack." Thorin warns.  
"There is a house..." I said slowly. I walk ahead of the group, I remember a house. The memory is a little blurry but I know there is a house. I'm not too sure who owns it but I know I can trust whoever lives there.  
"She is right, we might take refuge there." Gandalf says walking besides me.  
"Whose house? Friend or foe?" Thorin asks looking behind him.  
"Neither." Gandalf says,"He will help us or he will kill us." There was a long silence then I broke it,  
"We can trust him, just leave it to me." Gandalf looked at me questionably.  
"What choice to we have?" Thorin asked ignoring my comment. I glared at him, he looked at me and smiled that innocent smile. As I was daydreaming of kissing him, we heard a roar. I quickly snap out of it and look at Gandalf,  
"None." He spat out. We take off running, of course I was the fastest but Bombur was the second fastest. I don't even know how his little legs managed to run so fast with all his weight. As we ran, a huge bear looking creature bursts out of the forest tailing us. Everyone starts to run faster, finally we get to the door and it won't budge.  
"It won't open!" Bofur panics. I look towards the forest and see the beast getting closer. The ground starts to tremble and a large roar fills the air with noise. Thorin runs past Bofur and unlocks the door. We all rush inside but before we can close the door, the beast managed to get his head through the closing space. We push on the door, finally the beast pulls his head away and we shut the door and locked it. Everyone sighs in relief.  
"What was that?" Ori asks Gandalf. Gandalf sighs and says,  
"That was our host. His name is Beorn, he is a skin-changer. Sometimes he is a big black bear and the rest of the time he is a great strong man. The bear is unpredictable, the man can be reasoned with... But he is not overly fond of dwarves." Gandalf sighs once more,"Get some sleep, all of you. We will be safe here for tonight." I walk over to a chair and sit in it, I watch everyone fall asleep. We haven't had a decent amount of sleep in ages. I look at Thorin, who lays on the ground, on the other side of the room. His back was facing me, as my gaze was about to leave him he turns around to look at me. He waved me over, I shook my head and went deeper into the house. A sudden thought hit me, it was like a slap to the face, I still haven't recovered all my memories. Most of them have returned thanks to those roses but a lot is still missing. Like Alexis, I was told she was my best friend but I don't remember her. The sun started to set and I still haven't fell asleep, I've been too caught up in my current problem to even think about sleep. I finally start to doze off, when I hear the sound of wood being chopped. I quickly open my eyes to see Beorn outside cutting wood. At first I was really nervous, but something about him seemed welcoming so I went outside to meet him. He was tall and very muscular, he was tan and long black hair. He also hand a full face beard that had streaks of grey. Beorn was intent on chopping the wood, so I had to get his attention somehow. First I cleared my throat, no use. Second I waved my hand, no use again. Third I said hello, no use! I leaned against the wall of the house in defeat.  
"I can see and hear you." Beorn said still chopping his wood. I look at him in shock.  
"You can?" I ask even though I know the answer.  
"Yes." he stops and turns to look at me. His face lit up the moment he saw me.  
"Well, well, well... It's been a long time my friend. How have you been?" he walked over to me and gave me a big hug.  
"I've been better. I'm about to ask a stupid question but how do I know you?" I ask. Beorn gives me a confused look.  
"You saved my life about a hundred years ago... Why?" he asked me.  
"I lost my memory fifty years ago. I've been trying to get it back. Some has returned, but not all." I started to tell him what I've been doing, then I told him about the journey and the dwarves. His face turned red at the thought of the dwarves in his house. I told him that they were my friends and he can't harm them. Beorn understood, he asked me if he can see them. I told him they were inside. I followed him, everyone even Gandalf was scared when Beorn walked in. Gandalf tried to speak but nothing came out. Beorn cleared his throat and said,  
"You are lucky you are friends with my friend." he walked into the kitchen and made breakfast. Everyone looked at me in confusion. I just smiled. As Beorn served breakfast, he noticed Thorin and said,  
"So you are the one they call Oakenshield. Tell me, why is Azog the Defiler hunting you?"  
"You know Azog? How?" Thorin asked. Beorn filled my cup with milk.  
"My people were the first to live in the mountains, before the orcs came down from the north... The Defiler killed most of my family but some he enslaved. Not for work, no but for sport. Caging skin-changers and torturing them, seemed to amuse him. You need to reach the mountain before the last days of autumn, yes?"  
"Before Durin's Day, yes." Gandalf confirmed.  
"You are running out of time..."  
"That is why we must go through Mirkwood, is the elven road still safe?" Gandalf explained. My heart started pounding at the name. I started to shake, luckily no one noticed.  
"Safe? The Wood Elves of Mirkwood are not like their kin. They’re less wise and more dangerous. But it matters not, you are with their Queen."  
"Will you help us?" I asked Beorn.  
"I don’t like dwarves, they’re greedy and blind, blind to the lives of those they deem lesser than their own... But Orcs I hate more. What do you need?" Beorn loans us his horses, we right while the sun was still up. We make it to the Elven gate, the entrance to Mirkwood. My heart was pounding furiously. I am about to meet my past, this is a big moment for me. We set the ponies loose, as I walk up to the forest, my heart is filled with excitement. I feeling I have yet to feel. Gandalf walks into the forest and comes rushing out.  
"Not my horse, I need it!" He yells. I walk deeper into the forest, I heard Gandalf talking to the rest of the group but I wasn't paying attention. I was in a trance, something was pulling me into the forest. Pulling and tugging at my heart, mind, and soul. Someone put their hand on my shoulder, it was Thorin.  
"You know these woods better than anyone, you lead the way. Rebel." He told me. I smirked at him.  
"With pleasure, Goody-two-shoes." everyone laughed at our comments to each other. As I led the group through the forest, they seemed to become confused. They started saying weird things and spinning around, it was like I was the only one unaffected.  
"Guys this way..." I say pushing them forward.  
"Are you sure? I see a butterfly..." Dwalin said. My eyes widen at his response, I burst out laughing. He will hate me later... as the dwarves become more confused, I just sit back and watch them... I take out some crackers and say,  
"Dinner and a show..." oh how they will hate me. I see Bilbo climb a tree, to find the sun probably, all of a sudden Thorin says,  
"Quiet, all of you... We are being watched..." I look up into the trees. I see eyes, spider eyes. Damn.  
"Spiders..." I say, as if that was their cue, spiders start dropping themselves and stinging the dwarves with their stingers. I fall into a little fox den, which saved me because the spiders didn't come after me. I watch the company being hauled off by the spiders, I have to do something. I try to get out of the den but my foot was stuck on a root.  
"Unbelievable!" I whisper to myself. I did everything I could to get my foot unstuck. I shook it, yanked it, broke the root but none of which were successful. I had to have been stuck for ten minutes, then I heard,  
"Dwalin! Kill it! Kill it!" it was Thorin's voice. I yanked myself out of then den with all of might and took off running, I climbed a tree to make it easier. When I reached there, however, they were surrounded by elves. My heart stopped. A blonde elf had a arrow readied and was pointing it at Thorin, my Thorin.  
"Do not think I won’t kill you, Dwarf. It would be my pleasure." He said. The dwarves smiled.  
"Why are you smiling? I just threatened you!" The blonde elf said.  
"We are smiling because someone won't let you." Dwalin said. I'm said because he didn't add I see a butterfly.  
"And who might that be?"  
"Me." I said. I jumped out of the tree and used my sword to cut the elf's bow in half. I was crouching down, I stood up and looked at the blonde elf. He was speechless.  
"Alyssa?" was all he managed to say.  
\-------------------------------------------  
WHAT THRANDUIL HAS BEEN DOING THE LAST PAST FIFTY YEARS  
His heart, ripped out of his chest. His whole world, crumbled. He loved and lost, once more. He had nightmares of that night, everyday. He drank wine, just to ease the pain. The pain was so bad that being drunk didn't help. He was always distracted, he was alone. He would cry at night and sleep during the day. Images of her would pop into his head, everyone was worried for him. When he was up and moving, his people were happy. But than he would return to his bedroom and weep some more. He became cold, harsh, uncaring, and most of all broken. Everything made him mad, nothing was perfect. When it was, he would tear it up. He could not love, nor did he want to love. He thought about her constantly, he wondered if she was happy. He wondered if she met his first wife, how awkward. Everything was a disaster,  
"Why?" he asked himself this everyday. Some days he was cheerful, not extremely happy, but cheerful where he did not cry. Other days, he could not leave his room. He needed to hear her sweet voice, he needed her touch, he needed her to be with him. He hasn't had a decent conversation with anyone, he kept it simple. Yes, no, hello, bye, etc. His smiles were fake and weak, he was losing himself day by day, year by year until nothing was left but a hole in his chest where his heart used to be. Legolas was worried for him,  
"Father, your people need your guidance..." Legolas always reminded him he was a king. Thranduil the Elven King, was his title. He wasn't that elf anymore, he didn't want to be that elf. It only reminded him of Alyssa... His queen, his lover, his wife.


	8. Chapter 8

"Alyssa? Is that really you?" the blonde elf asked me. His eyes were wide, he slowly walked up to me.  
"How is it you know so much about me and I know so little about you?" I spat putting my blade's tip under his chin. His jaw clenched, a red haired elf ran to his side but stopped when she saw me. Her eyes were wide too, she covered her mouth and spoke softly.  
"Alyssa? What are you doing?" she asked me. Tears start to fill her eyes but she ignores them and just stares at me.  
"What does it look like? He threatened my friends, now I'm threatening him." I said pushing my blade into his throat. He hissed in pain, I narrowed my eyes into a cold harsh look.  
"Legolas!" a curly haired elf ran to the blonde elf's side. The elf readied his sword.  
"Hunter no, I can handle it!" yelled the blonde haired elf.  
"Legolas? Is that your name?" I asked pushing my blade even deeper, blood started to seep down his neck.  
"Yes. Why are you acting this way?" Legolas asked me. I growled and spoke harshly,  
"Acting what way?"  
"Like you don't remember us."  
"Maybe it's because I don't."  
"Why- How?"  
"Why so many questions? I'm going to cut to the chase, how do you know me? Answer me or die."  
"Is that Alyssa? I thought she died." the one called Hunter said. The red haired elf smacked him.  
"Ow. Tauriel!" Hunter complained.  
"Shh, it seems she has lost her memory." Tauriel whispered. I looked at them, I removed my blade and put it at my side. Legolas touched his throat and looked at the blood the was on his hand.  
"I'll ask again. How do you know me?" I said slowly backing up. They looked at me with sad faces,  
"You are our Queen, our friend." Hunter said walking up to me. I quickly put the tip of my blade on his chest,  
"Get any closer and I'll kill you." I growled. Hunter quickly retreated.  
"I'm not a Queen, nor will I ever be. Excuse us, we have to leave." I said turning my back to them. The dwarves smile and walked with me.  
"You can't, your 'husband' needs to speak with them." Legolas yelled, he said husband slowly. I stopped in my tracks, I bit on my inner cheeks. I turned around and walked right up to Legolas and whispered angrily,  
"And who do you think you are ordering me around!" our noses touched. He narrowed his eyes and whispered,  
"Because I'm your step-son and my father needs to see you, of all people. He hasn't been the same since you died or so we thought." I looked into his eyes and saw frustration and pain. I sighed and whispered back,  
"Then he should of stopped me."  
"He tried but you jumped before he could stop you. Please, I'll make sure your friends don't get hurt." I turned around and sighed. I was wondering if I should trust him. I really don't have a choice.  
"Fine. Lead the way." My friends started to protest but Thorin quickly told them it was for the best.  
"Uncle, you only say that because you're dating her." Kili shot back. Hunter, Tauriel, and Legolas looked at me and Thorin. Their eyes wide and fearful.  
"Are you trying to kill my dad?!" Legolas said in a painful voice. I rolled my eyes and shot back,  
"I don't even know the man, how can I kill him?" Legolas growled and continued to lead us through Mirkwood. We arrived at the fortress gate's and my heart was pounding faster and faster, my ears started to ring. The doors opened and I felt a sense of peace. I walked into the kingdom and I felt like I knew my way around. The pathways were made out of roots and the evening sun showered in through the ground lighting the place up. The air sparkeled and smelled of roses.  
"You know where you're going?" Legolas asked me from behind. I stopped and turned to look at him.  
"You lead, since you know where you're going." I said quietly. Some elf-maidians saw me and whispers burst out. Some bowed as I passed and others cried. I sighed, the feeling of uncertainty overwhelmed me. The whispers got louder and louder until they turned into cheers, My cheeks flushed red because I don't know anyone here. We came to spiraling steps that led to the King's throne. I slowly take my time up the stairs, Legolas was ahead of us so the king saw him first. I heard the king speak, his voice rattled my bones and caused my heart to start beating faster than ever before, it was racing so bad it hurt. I started getting light headed but I listened to what Legolas said to the king.  
"Father... Um-"  
"What is it? Why are you stuttering so?" the king said,"And why is there cheering? We didn't win a battle..."  
"That's what I'm trying to talk to you about... Um- where is- hey get up here!" Legolas commanded. The dwarves passed me until I had no choice but to follow. I was the last one the king saw, when he saw me he froze. His eyes wide, he slowly rose from his throne. His face was filled with confusion and hope, his eyes were filled with such sadness that it broke my speeding heart. He was different in my dreams, this Thranduil was sexy, yes but he also looked sickly. It seems he hasn't had a decent amount of sleep in ages. He had bags under his eyes and seemed to struggle standing. I quickly walked to Thorin's side, Thranduil started to tremble as he slowly walked to me. My throat was dry and my mind was spinning. He saw my confusion, he opened his mouth to say something but someone interrupted him.  
"Alyssa?!" yelled a voice from the left of me. I looked that direction and I saw a brown haired elf. She came running towards me, I grabbed my sword and place it under her chin. Everyone gasped,  
"Come any closer and I will kill you." I paused,"Who are you?! How do you know my name?!" Her eyes go wide and she backs up.  
"Don't you remember? I'm Alexis, your best friend..." She says. She quickly looked at Thranduil, his gaze was the same as hers... Confused and hurt. Legolas sighs and says,  
"She did the same thing to me, as you can see she managed to cut me. And break my bow..."  
"Where did you learn to do that?" Alexis asked.  
"Being a traveling partner, you learn things. Which I don't see why you are so concerned." I clenched my jaw in irritation.  
"It seems Alyssa has lost her memory..." Legolas says slowly. Thranduil face softened, his gaze was full of sadness and regret.  
"How?" Thranduil asked slowly. I growled and spat,  
"I don't see why you should know, what happened to me is my business." Thranduil looked physically hurt by my words, his gaze moved on to his son.  
"What do you remember?" Alexis asked. I looked at her coldly and I said in a harsh tone,  
"Still my business, can we move on. We have somewhere to be."  
"Alyssa, this is your home. You need to at least try to remember." Thorin whispered sadly. I looked at him and sighed.  
"My home is with you." I whispered in his ear, no one heard. Or at least I thought,  
"Are you two a couple?" Alexis asked her eyes wide. Her gaze was on Thranduil.  
"Yes, what's the problem. Because I don't see one, or remember one." I looked at Alexis. All of a sudden Thranduil, who looked like he was just stabbed, walks away. We suddenly hear the sound of doors being slammed shut, the sound pierced my heart. I looked at Legolas, he was in deep thought. I looked at Alexis, her eyes were watery,  
"What happened Alyssa?! You were never like this! How did you lose your memory?..." Alexis blurted out, her rage was scary but it quickly turned to sorrow. I sighed and spoke plainly,  
"When I hit the ground... I've been getting a decent amount back, but not all of it has returned..." her eyes go wide, the water in her eyes spill coating her cheeks. I look down because I feel embarrassed for her. Legolas sighs and runs after his father, about time. Thorin grabs my hand and kisses it, I blush deeply. Alexis looks at us and shakes her head.  
"Why are you with him? You're married Alyssa!"  
"I don't remember being married, if this upsets you then complain somewhere else." I said coldly. I looked at her, she seem to be hurt by my words. Just like Thranduil, have I become a monster? I sighed deeply, I leaned against one of the posts. I felt everyone's eyes on me, honestly I felt comfortable there. All the eyes made me feel at home, I know I have to talk to Thranduil but for some reason I get incredibly mad around him. What did he do? What did I do? I need to talk to him, I was about to talk to Alexis about it when a blonde haired elf came forth, what was his name? Legolas. He was smiling, I looked at him confused.  
"My father has asked all of you to stay for dinner." Legolas was looking straight at me, like I was the one to decide if we do. I rolled my eye's, Thorin cleared his throat,  
"We don't want to intrude..."  
"Not at all, so please agree to the invitation." Legolas begged. I opened my eyes wide in shock, a elf begging to a dwarf. At least he didn't beg to a orc, oh that would suck majorly.  
"Alyssa, what do you think?" Thorin asked me, Legolas's eyes were pleading. I looked away and quietly said,  
"I want to say no but I would feel bad so yes. But we leave right after, or in the morning." Legolas smiles brightly, I shook my head. Alexis stood there dumbfounded. Then Hunter walks in and she jumps into his welcoming arms, I looked at them and my eyes widen in shock. I start laughing the next thing that came out I had no control over,  
"I always thought you two would become a couple, you two were always together. What's it like, Lexi? Being in love." I smiled a true smile, it wasn't fake it came from the heart. When I realize what I said I covered my mouth, everyone looked at me with shock written on their faces.  
"It-it just came out, I had no control over it. Don't get any ideas." I snap. Alexis smiled slightly then said,  
"It was nice to see the real Alyssa again. Will she ever come back?" I sighed and responded,  
"I don't think she ever will, I can't be someone who I am not."  
"But you are her, I saw the old Alyssa just now... And I miss her, so much." Dinner finally arrived, I sat neck to Thorin and Balin, Dwalin was in front of me.  
"I can't believe you agreed to this... it's awkward!" Dwalin whispered. I shook my head and looked at the king's seat. It was empty at the moment, then my gaze drifted to the seat next to it... The queen's chair, it was empty too. A dark feeling filled me, I tried to shake the feeling but nothing worked. As I tried to cover the feeling up, the doors open and Legolas, Alexis, Hunter, and Thranduil walked in. My heart skipped a beat when my eyes met Thranduil's, I made my gaze serious even though I'm having a heart attack. Thranduil's face was sad and his eye's were full of pain, I might as well still be dead, which is kind of true. Alyssa is dead, her body, however, is still moving. Thranduil found his seat and sat in it, Alexis sat next to Hunter and Legolas sat next to his father. Not the queen's seat but the prince's seat. After everyone was settled in, dinner was served. My plate was a simple salad, which annoyed me because they knew what I wanted. Of course they would know, I've been their queen for, what was it? 650 years... I watched the elves who ate gracefully, the dwarves ate hungrily... I decided to eat slightly hungrily and with a little grace. I heard Hunter laugh, should I ease drop? No, yes, no, yes... damn, I can't make up my mind. I sighed.  
"Alyssa, dear, are you alright?" Thorin whispered in my ear. A sudden rage filled me, why am I getting so mad? I love it when he calls me 'dear', why do I hate it now? I whisper,  
"I'm fine, love, don't mind me." I hated saying 'love', am I possibly losing my feelings? No, I can't, just a couple hours ago I was madly in love with him. Thorin starts eating again, I nibble on my salad. I suddenly feel a pair of eyes on me, I look up and see Thranduil staring at me. He was trying to read me, I can read him like an open book. He is in pain, he is broken. Everything he loves, dies. He can't save the one thing that he loves more than life, he is still madly in love with 'her'. He feels betrayed and is overwhelmed with regret. He is slowly losing himself as well as the sense of reality. We continue to stare at each other, our eyes fixed on each other, no one else. He sighs and averts his gaze. A servant filled my glass with wine, which was a deep maroon color. It was really good, I looked at everyone else's glasses, they had wine too but it was a dark red color. Mine seems to be specially made. I looked at the King's glass, his wine seemed to be the same as mine. It has the same color, doesn't mean it had the same taste. I finished my glass pretty quickly, it had a sweet taste and smelled like cherries. I finish my salad, another servant came over and refilled my glass but as he was filling it he got distracted and the wine spilled over. He freaked out and tipped the glass over, spilling it all over me.  
"Ahh! Cold- and wet cold and wet." I complain as it continues to spill on me.  
"I'm so sorry my queen! Um- here use this." the servant hands my a cloth to wipe up the wine. I shake my head,  
"Are there spare clothes? I need to change." I ask, it takes me a second to realize I didn't complain about him calling me queen, it actually felt right.  
"Yes, follow me." Thranduil stands up and exits the dining hall, with me close behind. We walk down several corridors and went up one stair case. As we walked my hand became sticky, I opened and closed my hand. It made a sound which made me giggle, Thranduil stopped and looked at me. My cheeks turned bright red,  
"Sorry. My hand is sticky. I might need to take a bath as well." a sad smile crossed his face.  
"I was going to suggest that." He says, he starts to walk down the corridor again. We reach a pair of large French doors, they had tree designs. Thranduil opens them and gestures for me to go in first. I walk in and wait in the middle of the large room. Thranduil walks in and heads for a wardrobe, he takes out a simple hunting clothes. He hands them to me,  
"They are yours anyway, you can take a bath in there." He points to the washroom. I thank him and take a quick bath, the water was so relaxing. I wish I didn't have to hurry. After the bath I dressed myself, I sighed knowing I wore these before. 'They are yours anyway'. I left the washroom and left the room. I walked around, but I got lost. After several turns and steps I found myself at a garden entrance, I stepped inside.  
"I probably shouldn't be in here..." I whispered to myself. I hesitantly walked deeper into the garden, I felt welcome there. I had a sense of freedom and peace. I stopped walking and took in my surroundings.  
"You loved this place, it was your home away from home..." a said pain filled voice said. I turn around to see Thranduil leaning against a wall, a shadow covered his face.  
"I can see why..." I walked up to him my heart racing, I looked into his eyes and continued,"I got lost, can you lead me back-"  
"Do you really love him?" Thranduil cut me off. I look at him surprised,  
"Why-"  
"Please tell me."  
"Y-yes." he smiled and tucked some strands of hair behind my ear, next he grabbed me roughly and pinned me up against the wall. He grabbed both of my wrists and put them above my head. With his finger he traced my jaw line. He lightly kissed my neck,  
"I think I've known you long enough to know when you are lying. I still you love, Alyssa." he whispers into my ear. His fingers lightly go up and down my arm, sending chills. Then he rests his head on mine.  
"I will help you remember..." The next thing I knew, his lips were on mine. It was a gentle kiss a first then it turned rough and eager. His free arm wrapped around my waist bringing my body closer to his. The heat of his body made my head spin, he showered me with kisses. All his kisses were filled with passion.  
"Please-" I tried to get out of his grasp, I truly didn't want to but I'm in a relationship right now. It would look bad on me.  
"I'm afraid if I let you go, you won't come back." his words hit me like a pile of bricks, he loves me so much it hurts me. If he had one weakness it would be me. He let go of my wrists and hugged me, I felt his heart. It was beating furiously, after a few moments he let me go and held my face in his large hands.  
"I love you, Alyssa... I always will, I want you to be happy... If-if Thorin makes you happy, then be with him... but if he doesn't then please don't leave me, I don't know I if can lose you again." he lightly kisses me again. After a few more kisses he let me go completely, which left me dissatisfied. As I turned to leave Thranduil grabbed my hand a whispered in a very passionate voice,  
"This love will never fade. I will always be here, I will always love you."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SO sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it took forever, I've been really lazy. And yes I know it's extremely short but hey it's something.

I look at him with sympathetic eyes. I hold two beings hearts. One of them will be crushed, should it be the elf or the dwarf? Or neither? I shake my head and try to find Thorin, I need to tell him I can't be with him. Thranduil will think I chose Thorin, both will be hurt and I will be left alone. Which is probably for the best, as I walk through the halls I hear laughter. I find my company laughing at a joke Bofur said. But all laughing stops when they see me. A figure in the shadows shows itself, Thorin. He has a displeased look about him. I take a deep breath, I need to find the right words.  
"Thorin, we need to talk." I said this phrase quiet loudly which also made the group gasp. Thorin narrows his eyes and walks out into the hall. I follow.  
"What is it about?" his voice was hard and cold. I knew it wouldn't be easy but it seems he already suspected it.  
"I love you and I love Thranduil. I can't be with you and love him or be with him and still love you. So I'm deciding to be alone. It is for the best." it came out confident but I feel so vulnerable. His face was hard and his eyes were dark and violent. His body trembled as if he was at war to control his temper.  
"So you're leaving me and leaving him?" he managed to say.  
"Yes. I don't see the fairness if I stay with one and still love the other and vice virsa." I started to tremble. I don't want him to hate me... At least Thranduil understood. But then again he doesn't know I decided to be alone. A deep growl interupted my thoughts.  
"It was that damned elf that ruined what we had wasn't it?" Thorin spat.  
"I don't-"  
"Alyssa I think you're trying to tell me you don't love me anymore..."  
"I still-"  
"Whatever. Go to your damned king, and I don't ever want to see your face again." with that he left. I was stunned and speakless. Wow, what a drama king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Instead of drama queen I put drama king... Get it get it because he is a king and a guy... Nvm.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boo! Tbh- I gave up on this. I reread both the previous one and this one and, well, it's incredibly cringy. Oh well. Enjoy.

I just stood there, staring at his retreating figure. Many different thoughts coerced through my mind. One, of which, stuck out of the most.

Did that really just happen?

Of course I wouldn't know, I've been known to lose my memory. But I'm pretty sure that happened. I turn to the company and notice they weren't there.

"How long have I been here?" I asked to nobody in particular. It was more of a question that didn't require an answer. I don't need an answer, if they're gone then it must mean I've been standing here for a couple hours, at least.

"I was beginning to wonder if you'll ever come out of your state of... 'shock.'" the chilling voice of the king made me shiver. Thorin and Thranduil both had deep voices, but each one with a different purpose. Thorin's voice was deep but welcoming in a way. In his voice you can tell he's been through things he'd prefer to forget. Thranduil's was cold, hard. He's been through things he can't forget nor will he ever. I've heard the way he speaks to his son, with the upmost authority. But with me, his voice is almost soft. Like I'm the only one that holds authority over him.

"I...wasn't in shock. Just questioning his reaction." my voice quivered towards the end. 

Am I hurt? Yes, I love Thorin, but the way he reacted was...wrong. He didn't even let me explain.

"Dwarves never do. I've told you this many of times. But, you were always stubborn. Still are by the looks of it." I turn and stare at the tall, lean figure. His blonde hair carefully placed over his shoulders, his piercing eyes didn't give any sign of weakness. The stature of a true elven king.  
"Dwarves like to hear what they want to hear, they never listen to reason."

"I didn't realize I said that outloud. But, perhaps, you're right."

"Not all the time. You pointed that out enough times already." a smirk played about on his thin, but soft, lips. The memory of them on mine just hours ago appeared within my mind. Making my cheeks flame a bright cozy red.

"I'm sure I never meant any harm." I state, my voice shaking from the heavy atmosphere, which seems to be increasing by the second.

"No, you didn't. But you liked to cause trouble. Especially when the elven council was around." his eyes showed sadness as he recalled a certain memory with the council. We both stared off into space, not wanting to bring up anymore memories.

"How long have I been...'shocked.'" 

"Two hours. I was debating whether or not to leave and let you come to on your own."

"Thanks for staying." his chuckled filled the hallway with even more tension. There most be a logically explanation as to why I feel like I'm going to grab him by the tunic and smother his lips with mine.

There has to be. 

He cleared his throat rather loudly, as if the atmosphere is suffocating him as well. He definitely looks like he his struggling to keep his composure.

"Your friends already left, if you wish to follow them, I believe they are currently taking refuge at Laketown." his voice was dull and uninterested in this topic. His eyes seemed to focus on everything except me. The moment his eyes met mine, I knew why. They showed vulnerability, only moments ago they were emotionless. I quickly put my arms around his wide chest, pulling him into a tight hug, feeling the sudden need to comfort him. 

Half expecting him to pull away.

What shocked me was that his arms quickly wrapped around me, pulling me tighter against him.

"You've been away from me too long, my queen." his deep voice spoke, as his lips closed in on my ear.  
"I hope you plan on making it up to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one is short too, but I promise I will be writing more. I'm just currently working on another fanfic about Jasper Whitlock. If youre interested it's on wattpad. ToxiiCWolves - It's for the best


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boo! Tbh- I gave up on this. I reread both the previous one and this one and, well, it's incredibly cringy. Oh well. Enjoy.

I just stood there, staring at his retreating figure. Many different thoughts coerced through my mind. One, of which, stuck out of the most.

Did that really just happen?

Of course I wouldn't know, I've been known to lose my memory. But I'm pretty sure that happened. I turn to the company and notice they weren't there.

"How long have I been here?" I asked to nobody in particular. It was more of a question that didn't require an answer. I don't need an answer, if they're gone then it must mean I've been standing here for a couple hours, at least.

"I was beginning to wonder if you'll ever come out of your state of... 'shock.'" the chilling voice of the king made me shiver. Thorin and Thranduil both had deep voices, but each one with a different purpose. Thorin's voice was deep but welcoming in a way. In his voice you can tell he's been through things he'd prefer to forget. Thranduil's was cold, hard. He's been through things he can't forget nor will he ever. I've heard the way he speaks to his son, with the upmost authority. But with me, his voice is almost soft. Like I'm the only one that holds authority over him.

"I...wasn't in shock. Just questioning his reaction." my voice quivered towards the end. 

Am I hurt? Yes, I love Thorin, but the way he reacted was...wrong. He didn't even let me explain.

"Dwarves never do. I've told you this many of times. But, you were always stubborn. Still are by the looks of it." I turn and stare at the tall, lean figure. His blonde hair carefully placed over his shoulders, his piercing eyes didn't give any sign of weakness. The stature of a true elven king.  
"Dwarves like to hear what they want to hear, they never listen to reason."

"I didn't realize I said that outloud. But, perhaps, you're right."

"Not all the time. You pointed that out enough times already.


End file.
